If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
