wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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