just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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