I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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