new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
