he wants to bone in the snuggie
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So vagazzling was a success
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
