where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
