don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
