Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
