Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
