Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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