Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A bitchslap is in order.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
