so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
