this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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