My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
