I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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