Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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