Don't make out with my wife yet
This girl is more easily done than said...
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
