I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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