drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
