I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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