Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
