real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
