What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
