At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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