I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
