I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
