i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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