Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
