If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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