pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Randomize
