I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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