All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
