she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
