Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
