We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
