The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
