Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
