Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
