i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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