Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
