Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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