The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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