You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
