I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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