He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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