I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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