He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
