You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
