Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
