Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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