Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
