I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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