I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
