I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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