i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
