I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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