): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
