hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
