sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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