Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
