i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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